Crank of the week - "Lay back and think of Australia"

So it seems Tania Zaetta took one for the team. Pictured here (on left) with Danny Devito, the boxercise personality was accused this week of gettin jiggers with some diggers in Afghanistan.

The 37-year-old "actress" - and we use the term with opportune looseness - denied having travelled to the war-torn nation as the Defence Department's whore: "I was there to sell boxermercials and my new Bollywood flop".

"The only stuffed toys I muffled were native animals," she didn't say.

Zaetta did, however, lament the logistics of her Afghan visit. "Even if a person would want to (have sex) I don't know where you would go. You're never alone with any soliders, you are in full view of everybody else, even when you are walking to the toilets."

Describing the allegations as "ridiculous" and "vicious", Ms Zaetta would prefer the Australian public continue to esteem her as the wanton cocktease we hardly knew...