Three things to do on a Saturday

1. Invite Mercedes Corby round for a shindig. She'll be in a party mood, having won her defamation suit against Channel 7, and you can probably count on her bringing some cucumber sandwiches, perhaps a pack of Camels.

If she brings some lawn clippings in a boogie-board-bag, they will likely be for personal use only, as Merc is not a dealer. So you'll have to try to scab a toke of her penis pipe, or content yourself with the camel.


2. She might also bring a party hat from her line of couture headwear (the Corbette designs kiddy clothes for a living - best keep a close eye on any models she might employ, Hetty Johnston).


3. Hope some newscaster with a neck injury interviews one of your scabbier friends in an attempt to stretch three nights of chequebook journalism from the one sketchy if amusing anecdote.

Then sue for a lifetime supply of party hats, penis pipes, and dignity.